Now each of you have the opportunity to select a month to call your own. For instance, August is currently available. Anybody on Planet Earth is allowed to choose August as their month. Once selected, it is yours forever.
Because I was first to select February as "MY MONTH", I enjoy exclusive privileges not shared with anybody. I am the only person allowed to have February.
Why February, you ask? Good question! Let's evaluate the reasons, and there are many.
- February is the only month with fewer than thirty days. Each day truly means something in February.
- For those of you who are paid twice a month, you earn more money per day in February than in any other month. In fact, one can make the argument that the man is really sticking it to you in January, March, May, July, August, October, and December.
- February is the only month that has an additional day every four years. Although September has eagerly lobbied for an additional day since 1937, no action has been taken, giving February exclusive rights to this benefit.
- February is the only month where we pull a groundhog out of the soil in Pennsylvania at sunrise, hold his sleepy body skyward, and check to see if he is producing a shadow or not. For years, folks in Chilton, Wisconsin, have pulled a Badger out of the ground on November 2, in an effort to predict the length of winter. Their efforts have not been picked up by the mainstream media, nor have they been picked up by the blogosphere.
- February is so wonderful that the NFL moved the Super Bowl out of January, in an effort to participate in the glow of the month.
- February is the only month where the sun routinely sets between 5:00pm and 6:00pm, a quirk of daylight savings time dates.
- February proudly hosts Valentine's Day, a holiday filled with romance and obligation.
- February ends what I call the "90 Days Of Darkness". November, December and January are simply depressing at the 48th parallel, with sunsets earlier than 5:00pm. But in February, hope springs eternal. The sun sets around 5:10pm early in the month, and at around 5:55pm by the end of the month. What begins as a dark drive home at the start of the month is a light-filled joyride by February 28.
- February begins an ascent in the normal high temperature that does not end until August. Days are finally getting warmer. Finally!!
- February marks the return of the television show "Lost", not seen since the pre-Halloween days of October. Do you even remember the cast anymore?
- February is the only month where many workers enjoy a day off, mid-month, to celebrate past Presidents!
- February celebrates the return of NASCAR after a brief hiatus. Oh wait, I'm the only one who enjoys that.
I would like to reiterate that there are still eleven months available for you to select from. I've heard that Ann Handley of Marketing Profs fame is seriously lobbying for May.