March 22, 2026

SugarBee Apples

I really enjoy Sprint Car Racing ... toss Weather / Pickleball / Sprint Car Racing / Headphones / Food into any day and I'm generally in a good place.

When one of the two big 410 Sprint Car Series come to Central Arizona, yeah, I'm in. My favorite driver is named Rico Abreu - the most popular driver out there.



He was the champion of this series last year, and is the obvious crowd favorite ... young and old alike. There were many young ladies and boys around his car looking to meet him after the event, wearing his merch.



You don't run a race team without $$$. Lots of $$$. One of Rico's sponsors is SugarBee Apples from Washington State (click here). How do I know this? They're not prominently featured on his car, so they must be doing something else.

Well, they have the SugarBee mascot ... who had to be BOILING on Saturday night (race time temperature was 103 degrees when I arrived) ... featured here on FloRacing's broadcast of the event ... which means, of course, that not just the people at the event are hearing about SugarBee.



SugarBee did something else ... they had free apples. If you went to Rico's merch trailer (where his wife was making $30 every thirty seconds selling merch, plus you got to meet Rico's dog Gus), you were instructed to take a free SugarBee apple ... packaged in a teeny tiny adorable carrying case.

Once word got out that you could get a free apple, there were free apples everywhere. Where I sat, maybe five people were eating a free apple at the same time. The apples looked like those yummy Honeycrisp apples to my eyes ... turns out they are half Honeycrisp / half unknown variety.


All sorts of cross promotion as well.


Why bring this up?

One of the most common questions I receive is this question?

  • "How do I find new customers? Old school methods have dried up, and digital marketing is too expensive and opaque. Do you have examples of new customer acquisition techniques that other companies execute, examples that work?"


I hate the end of the sentence ... if you're only willing to do things that work, you're not going to be in business in a few years.

Do you think SugarBee have a guarantee that handing out a thousand apples in adorable carrying cases paired with a mascot sweating in 103 degree heat will "work"?

But there they are, doing the hard work. In person.

Creating awareness.

Reaching prospects.

Encouraging customers to go to Trader Joes or Safeway to get their apples.

I'm not saying you should hand out free widgets at an event you think is beneath your sophisticated brand.

I'm saying you should do something. You ask for examples. I just gave you an example. What is a parallel for your business, one that is brand appropriate? What stops you from executing a similar strategy that is brand appropriate?


P.S.: SugarBee has other marketing programs.

March 19, 2026

Subtle Changes Over Time

Sometimes I'll step back and look at changes across several years. Many clients don't realize the subtle changes they've caused.

In the business we're studying, there are subtle changes worth pointing out.

Comp Rebuy Rates:  -6% vs. three years ago. Not ideal.

Comp Segment Demand:  +1% vs. three years ago.

Comp Items Purchased:  -8% vs. three years ago. Yup, this company is selling more-expensive items over time. The COO is probably looking at downsizing operations folks, the CFO might be happy if gross margins are up. Always remember that items = customers. It's not a bad thing if management has metrics moving in odd directions with a top-line that is steady/growing. It's almost always a bad thing when fewer customers buy from a client.

Comp Item Price:  +9%. Wow.

Comp Full Price Selling:  -4%.

Comp Off-Price Selling:  +11%. The two metrics tell a story, don't they? The likely story is that merchants are increasing prices when they offer new items, customers rebel against the merchants, so the marketing team offers discounts/promotions which customers accept. #ohboy

Comp New Items:  +5%.

Comp Existing Items:  -2%.

I create the metrics (above) to cut through all the BS a consultant hears from "some" members of the Management Team. The business I'm analyzing here had an ownership team who wanted to "transform" the brand. After digging into the numbers and speaking with members of the Management Team, it was clear there wasn't trust/harmony between the Ownership Team and the Management Team. 

The core problem wasn't merchandise ... the core problem was trust.

As it so often is.

You run these metrics for your business ... right? Of course you do. You like to know what is happening, you like being smart.

Every business has customers shopping across micro-businesses / categories. Every business has interpersonal dynamics between ownership / management / employees that spill over into the customer relationship. The consultant / analyst cuts through all the nonsense, identifying core issues impacting the customer.

March 18, 2026

Nine More Months for the USPS - Which Means an Offer for You






While your agencies and paper reps and printers furiously lobby for more of the same, your job becomes a lot more interesting.
  • What happens to your business if you cannot mail catalogs anymore?
  • What happens if postage increases by 50% and you ... essentially ... cannot mail catalogs anymore?

Surely you've modeled this outcome and know exactly what happens. You have mail/holdout tests that are reliable, you thoroughly understand your organic percentage, you know how you'd shift money into digital marketing channels. You know what happens to net sales. You know what happens to your customer file.

You know.

But if you don't know, it's time to hire me (kevinh@minethatdata.com). Here are your choices.
  • $9,000 and I'll tell you what happens, I'll model the outcome for you. You'll know. Within a few weeks. You'll know. I'll analyze any mail/holdout tests executed in the past year at no additional cost. Pretty good deal, given the millions you spend on paper, printing & postage.
  • $15,000 and I'll model the outcome for you AND score your file AND I'll provide you with the scoring equations so you can implement the equations in-house. I'll also score customers for email responsiveness so you can use that information as part of your transition. You'll know, and you'll be able to take action.
  • $35,000 gets you more ... I'll model the outcome for you AND score your file AND I'll update your scores at least once a month AND I'll score your email file monthly AND ... AND ... I'll be on-call for general marketing challenges you have, providing advice ... you get me on video conference for 90 minutes per month and I'm available via email whenever you need me ... all through 3/31/2027. Sort of a Virtual CMO to assist with your business transition. You don't get me for on-demand ad-hoc analytics like some clients do (that's more like a six-figure situation and on-demand email/chat response and 60 minutes of video conferencing per week ... but if you need that for your transition, contact me as well, I probably have bandwidth for one (1) additional client in this circumstance). But you'll do well with this arrangement.
Here's my email address (kevinh@minethatdata.com).

Contact me immediately, 'cause this stuff usually gets me busy quickly and I don't have bandwidth to help everybody. Act right now. Be prepared.

Micro-Businesses Moving In Different Directions

Every business is comprised of a series of micro-businesses / categories. Some micro-businesses are dependent on other micro-businesses, others move independently.

I evaluate micro-business movement in terms of comp segment performance on an annual basis. You remember comp segment analysis, don't you? I select all customers who bought exactly two times in the past year - then measure how much customers spent in a future period of time (in this case, one year ... in my Elite Program runs, it's the following month). I want to see how "good" customers behave.

In the case of the business I'm analyzing in this study, here is comp segment performance (annual) for the merchandise categories that have meaningful amounts of net sales.

  • Category 02 = +19%.
  • Category 03 = +6%.
  • Category 04 = +8%.
  • Category 05 = -12%.
  • Category 06 = -18%.
  • Category 07 = +12%.
  • Category 10 = +22%.
  • Category 11 = +41%.
  • Category 13 = +8%.
  • Category 15 = -13%.
  • Category 16 = +10%.
  • Category 17 = +5%.

Yeah ... #chaos.

In total, comp segment performance was +7%. In other words, the merchants as a whole are doing a very good job.

But at a micro-business / category level?

#ohboy

Remember Category 03 from earlier this week? The category had a significant sales decline ... and yet, "good" customers spent more in the category. This is even more sad ... because it means that declines caused by likely discontinuation of items from 2/3 years ago harmed new/reactivated buyers.

What are you seeing across your business, when you evaluate customer behavior at a micro-business / category level?


March 17, 2026

When A Micro-Business Crumbles

Here's one ... this category had problems last year.
  • 4 Years Ago = $6.1 million.
  • 3 Years Ago = $6.7 million.
  • 2 Year Ago = $6.7 million.
  • 1 Year Ago = $6.7 million.
  • As of Today = $5.9 million.

The decrease happened in a growing business. This means somebody messed up. If customers like other categories and this category is struggling, it's a merchant who messed up.

I like to look at my "Class Of Report" next - analyzing merchandise classes over time. The story becomes obvious when we look at the table.



Look at the classes from three years ago and two years ago. Tell me if you see a problem?

The problem is sales in the year ending "today".
  • 3 Years Ago Class = $1.4 million to $0.8 million.
  • 2 Years Ago Class = $1.4 million to $0.8 million.

A "normal" drop-off might have been 20% ... these two classes dropped off by more than 40%. In other words, "somebody" decided to discontinue a bunch of items from these classes, and the business got hammered to the tune of about $600,000.

Look at the number of new items in the class ending today. New items went from 176 the year prior to 250 ... regardless, demand decreased by $100,000.

Look at the price of new items across time ... from $61 to $76 to $99 down to $86. What impact did this have? Quantity of items sold are half of what they were three years prior.

Yup - this is a merchandising problem.

It gets worse.

Customers who bought from this category exhibited the following behavior the following year (within the entire business, not just within this category).
  • They were 6% more likely to repurchase next year.
  • If they repurchased, they spent an additional $35.00 next year.

The merchants hurt the business this year.

The merchants hurt the potential of the business next year.

When a micro-business crumbles, problems cascade.

Every business has a set of cascading micro-business problems.

Are you looking for these problems?

March 16, 2026

You Run A Collection Of Micro-Businesses

Way back (around 2010) a CFO told me that his brand had a category (socks) that was the place where his brand developed talent. The category was < 5% of total sales, so as he said, "they can't muck it up". His company used the category as a training ground - the employees who marketed the product, the employees who sourced the product, those who wrote copy, those who managed inventory ... they formed a team ... and it was their job to grow their "business".

Every one of you runs a collection of micro-businesses. Here's Silk & Willow ... a whole collection of micro-businesses.



Now, you could develop employees in key micro-businesses / categories. That's a good idea.

It's also a good idea to understand how every category / micro-business fits together. When "business stinks", it isn't that business is bad ... it's that some of your micro-businesses are causing a cascading set of problems.

For instance, when I worked at Eddie Bauer, it was common to see a bad Women's Apparel business spill over into Home ... if customers didn't buy Women's Apparel, they didn't become good Home customers and consequently Home suffered. If Home suffered? No impact on Women's Apparel. Each category / micro-business played a role, but the role was different ... it was important to understand "what" role each category / micro-business played.

Do you understand the role each category / micro-business plays in your brand?



March 15, 2026

Why Is My Business Struggling?

That's what the CEO asked me. "Why is my business struggling?"

The CEO could tell you about the following.

  • Traffic
  • Conversion Rates
  • AOV
  • Gross Margin %
  • Marketing Expenditure

The CEO didn't know much about the interaction of merchandise and customers. How could she? Very few companies are smart enough to create their own reporting to measure the interaction between merchandise and customers. The relationship changes between "brands" ... it's not cost effective for vendors to create reporting to measure the dynamic.

Let's spend some time talking about ways that merchandise and customers interact. It turns out the relationship between what you offer and what customers purchase has a lot more to do with why your business succeeds/struggles than anybody gives credit for. Maybe your business is struggling because you did something from a merchandising standpoint that impacted how customers respond.

March 12, 2026

Your Questions, Answered!!

Here we go, as promised! There are many questions. Skip the ones you don't want answers to.


Steven:  In all your meetings, whether working for or consulting with a brand, was there ever a moment when you saw the participants grasp what you were imparting on them? It would be great to hear an example of how you saw a team or group work, either from the ground up or top down to really change the culture and business trajectory.

It is rare for an entire group of people to grasp a concept at the same time or on a similar timeline. The core themes of my work (customer acquisition > customer retention ... incremental response vs. reported response ... importance of new merchandise and winning items) are not concepts that are accepted by average professionals. Imagine being the person who manages paid social and I tell the person that 70% of the conversions he observes in his reporting via Facebook would happen anyway if he didn't advertise?

There are individuals who grasp concepts. Those individuals generally run with the idea. I work with a CEO/Owner (for close to fifteen years) - this guy gets it and in general does a fabulous job implementing the concepts. When I analyze his data, I can see when he hires somebody who disagrees with him ... customer data changes and his business doesn't grow as fast. This would be an example of a top-down approach. The leader asks staff to execute a certain way, and sometimes the team working for him chooses otherwise.

I worked with a Marketing Vice President who took the concepts and ran with them on his own, independent of the rest of the business. Merchandise productivity was bad, his marketing investments in new customers were good, the business grew as a consequence. When the individual left, the new marketing person identified "low hanging fruit" ... cutting marketing spend significantly. The business crumbled, and has not recovered.

I am currently working with a team that is getting results ... the individuals may or may not agree with me, but they are working together to make change happen. Their Leader sets the tone, the team respects the Leader, consequently, they listen to me. As you'd expect, implementation is bumpy ... it always is ... and it doesn't matter ... the team knows they want to see better performance and they are working together to make it happen. People have to be able to get along with each other for this to happen.


Anne:  Increasingly, I am seeing nonprofits I work with say they are not going to do postal mail because of cost. They want to use email and social only. They invite me to be on their board but they do not want to listen. I want to give them guidance but I do not want to lead them astray because conditions are changing rapidly and nonprofit budgets are thin and endangered. Any help would be appreciated.

Ok print lovers, here is your moment ... I'm about to land on your side! There are three issues with print ... costs are increasing, response is declining, and those who respond are generally 65+ years old. For non-profits, do you care if those who respond are generally more than 65 years old?

If costs increase, response has to increase in response to increased costs. This is the challenge - nonprofits I've worked with don't know if response increases or decreases ... they sometimes see marketing costs as a budget line, but they don't marry response to costs.

My catalog clients have something they call the "profit factor" ... it's the percentage of sales that flow through to profit. Let's pretend that factor is 40%. If a catalog costs $1.00 to put in the mail, then the client has to generate $1.00 / 0.40 = $2.50 of sales in order for the segment to break-even. If the cost to put the catalog in the mail increases to $1.10, the client has to generate $1.10 / 0.40 = $2.75 of sales in order for the segment to break-even. My clients would cut circulation on anybody expected to generate $2.50 to $2.74 to offset the increased cost of the mailing.

You should be in a similar circumstance ... your mailings must offset the cost of the mailer and generate enough donations to cover overhead and have enough left over to actually do good work. Which means you probably need to generate between $3.00 and $5.00 per recipient in donations to offset the cost of direct mail. And if direct mail costs increase by 10%, you need to generate $3.30 to $5.50 to offset increased costs.

As long as you generate enough donations to offset costs and have plenty left over to do good work, print is important regardless of cost increases.


Liz:  I understand your advice on building communities outside of Meta and Google. What is the expected range of outcomes from these programs? How long does it take to generate results via new customers, and what can I expect in terms of share of new customers from building communities?

Here's an answer my readers won't like ... it will likely take 3-4 years of hard work to make a difference. Also ... you have no choice but to do the hard work.

This isn't a place where you want a direct marketer leading the efforts. At all. The direct marketer doesn't have great ideas in this realm, and will quit long before the program has a chance of succeeding.

This isn't the place where you want an ROI-based digital marketer leading the efforts. At all. This individual will also quit long before the program has a chance of succeeding, citing low "ROAS". The individual would rather pay Facebook money today for orders tonight.

I know of a company that spent six years building the community. In years 4/5/6 efforts paid off. Roughly half of their sales come from new customers, they believe roughly a quarter of their new customers come from their community of registered users. They believe that each registered user is worth $10 net sales per year. The reality is that these are guesses, but they aren't bad guesses based on the data shared with me.

The community must be passionate about what the company sells (is anybody passionate about what Macy's or Kohl's sells, for instance?) and feel like there are benefits to being in your community ... purchasing your merchandise ... over what somebody else sells.

The first year will be a hot mess ... virtually no positive results ... a lot of numbers wonks asking you why you are wasting so much time/money on something so pointless?

The concept of a "registered user" is important - you have to track if your community is visiting your website and/or looking at your merchandise. If you can demonstrate that a registered user visits your website monthly, you're on to something.


Robby:  How is AI influencing prospecting and what is the best way to take advantage of it? Is any company excelling at it?

In digital marketing, AI has already stamped itself over everything you do. It determines the content/merchandise in email messages sent to non-buyers. Ask the Listraks and Klaviyos of the world for examples. Search is already aligned with AI ... when I search for HEADPHONES WITH A NEUTRAL SOUND SIGNATURE Google isn't looking for keywords, Google is inferring my meaning via AI.

AI-centric marketplaces will likely supplant modern search in the next 5-10 years, assuming the AI wonks don't boil all of our fresh water cooling their servers.

I have a direct mail client who uses AI models for reactivation, and has good results ... good meaning +20% over their baseline models. This is a bare-bones use of AI, of course ... they're just using AI like one would use a regression model.

Most of my clients tell me that classic direct mail prospecting is "dead", and when something is "dead", AI isn't going to be of much help. I recently saw a mail plan comparing 2026 to 2016 ... prospecting circulation was down 80% due to a combination of terrible response and increased costs. AI cannot overcome structural changes in an industry, which is why we don't see many AI solutions applied to direct mail paired with outstanding outcomes ... if that existed, the print folks on LinkedIn would be screaming from the mountaintops - their glee would be unavoidable.

Honestly ... if 40% of an email subscriber list has not purchased anything historically, I'd gather whatever attributes I could for this audience and use AI to align messaging and merchandise with non-buyers.


Bob:  What advice of yours changes when a new business or a business with sales < $1,000,000 a year has a handful of unique products/SKUs where product/market fit is still evolving, and where the database is < 10,000 customers?

The general theme of my advice doesn't change, the level of complexity required to implement ideas changes considerably. If the small business wants to grow, it needs to find clever ways to identify likely prospects - and the small business will have to do it "on the cheap". The organic social route is very important for these companies. It's very important until the business exceeds $10,000,000ish per year ... then the rules begin to change and there needs to be a more-generous marketing budget.

The small business needs to understand if the product they sell leads to repeat purchases. If the product is a one-and-done product, well, it's all about finding new customers for a long time. If the small business is selling body wash? Well, that's a different business model, and a small number of very happy customers can do a lot of free marketing on behalf of the brand.

Small databases change the way experimentation happens. If you have 10,000 customers and 5,000 have an email address, you are likely to just split the file in half when experimenting with email marketing concepts. The small brand is likely to segment customers into a small number of segments so that any analysis/results are statistically relevant.

The small business that has one or two key items needs to closely monitor when those items are dying. The slightest miss against budget/expectations should set off alarm bells. There needs to be a plan for the small business ... an exit plan for a limited assortment (i.e. be bought by a larger brand or become an Amazon supplier) or a product development plan to become a "brand".

The small business looks a lot less at customer metrics and looks a lot more at conversion metrics. Where is traffic coming from? How does traffic convert? Do customers buy multiple items or a single item (this becomes an important segmentation variable)? Are customers clicking-through email campaigns? Analytics sophistication grows as net sales grow. It doesn't mean the small brand isn't analytically driven ... quite the opposite ... but the small brand worries much less about complex questions/solutions, focusing instead on what it controls and what it can understand with limited resources.

One area where the small business is no different from a large brand is in purchase activity within the first 3-4 months following a first purchase. Regardless of ecommerce brand, it is really important to convert a customer to a second purchase quickly before the customer fades away. Small businesses that focus on this metric have an inherent advantage over other small businesses.

Using a "simple is better" approach, the small brand is infinitely more nimble than Macy's ... an enormous advantage.


Ed:  We used to mail a 184 page catalog, but shifted to 124 pages when paper / printing / postage costs increased. Around that time our sales slumped. Did sales slump because we featured fewer pages in catalogs?

Believe it or not, I first analyzed this challenge in (checks notes) 1991. THIRTY-FIVE YEARS AGO! We had an equation at Lands' End that calculated the elasticity between pages offered and merchandise sold. Each additional page (i.e. going from 160 pages to 164 pages) generated incremental sales, but at an ever-decreasing rate.

At Eddie Bauer in (checks notes) 1999 ... TWENTY-SEVEN YEARS AGO we had an equation that optimized circ depth, page count, and quality of product offered. Small page counts were super-charged with best-selling products ... allowing 96 pages to perform nearly as well as 248 pages from a sales standpoint (meaning we could mail 96 pages forever because of the profit advantage those pages had).

But times change.

If you are like many modern catalogers ... you have an approximate 75% organic percentage ... page counts are nearly irrelevant. You heard that correctly. Your customer has moved on, and responds digitally. Spend your time on social, search, email, video, community ... it's over.

If you are like many B2B brands ... you have an approximate 35% organic percentage ... it's like it is the mid-90s. Your catalog IS THE REASON why the customer purchases. For these customers, you have to show the customer your merchandise assortment or the customer might not look for those items online.

Be willing to experiment ... if you mail 124 pages ten times per year, go ahead and mail 184 pages one time per year, and reduce circulation by a third in response. Try it. See what happens. Also be willing to test ... conduct a mail/holdout test and see if your organic percentage (the share of sales that still happen if a catalog is not mailed) is 35% or 75%.

Also - be willing to check your merchandise productivity. Most of the time pages offered is minimally relevant while merchandise productivity is maximally relevant. If customers like what you sell less year-over-year, it's easy to misattribute that issue to something less meaningful (like email marketing click-through rates and/or catalog pages and/or traffic from Instagram).






March 11, 2026

Entry Points Into The Brand

A quarter century ago, our Nordstrom stores were designed to have Cosmetics near the in-mall entry to our store. Nothing like having fragrance constantly pumped into the mall to attract attention.

Of course, having Cosmetics near the in-mall entry door meant we attracted a lot of new customers ... Cosmetics customers.

And that was a good thing! Why? Because our analytics indicated that a new Cosmetics buyer would quickly cross-shop into other categories ... especially Women's Footwear, located right next to Cosmetics. From there the customer willingly cross-shopped into Women's Apparel and Accessories. Now we had a four-category customer ... our analytics indicated that a customer buying four times ... once from each of four categories ... was more valuable than a four-time buyer within just one category.

In other words, the success of the customer was pre-built into the design of the store.

What is pre-built into the success of the Macy's ecommerce customer?



A generation later and we've abandoned the concept of pre-building customer success into our designs.

For instance, here's a popular Shopify store.



Surely somebody at Kith understands the merchandise that brings in high-value new customers.

Right?

Surely you understand the "entry points" into your ecommerce store that generate high-value new customers.

Right?




March 10, 2026

Your Questions

Send me your questions (kevinh@minethatdata.com) and I'll dedicate a post to answering the questions y'all submit.

Think of it like free consulting - except all of our readers benefit.

Fire away! I'll accept questions through the end of day 3/11/2026.

March 09, 2026

Multiple-Division Buyers

In a recent query, I used a logistic regression equation to measure multiple-division buyers. Are these buyers more likely to purchase again compared to other buyers?

  • 0-12 Month One Time Buyers = +27% more likely to purchase again.
  • 0-12 Month Two Time Buyers = +10% more likely to purchase again.
  • 0-12 Month 3x+ Buyers = +3% more likely to purchase again.

In other words, each incremental division purchased from adds 27% / 10% / 3% to the probability of a customer buying again in the next year. If a three-time-plus buyer previously purchased from four divisions instead of one, the customer would have a 3%*3 = 9% greater chance of buying again in the future.

So yeah, cross-shopping your customers matters - especially among first-time buyers.

March 08, 2026

Customer-Based Merchandise Assortments

This might come as a surprise to some of you, but your customers don't universally love everything you sell.



Every customer has a favorite merchandise division/department/category. This "favorite" division/department/category dictates what you should show the customer in the future.

Example:  A Women's Apparel customer (favorite historical division) will spend 48% of future demand on Women's Apparel (your mileage will vary). The second-highest division generates just 12% of future demand, the third-highest division generates just 8% of future demand. This customer should see Women's Apparel, obviously. The marketer needs to be disciplined with this customer.

Example:  A Home customer (favorite historical division) will spend 8% of future demand on Home merchandise, with three divisions/departments/categories showing significantly higher future shares of merchandise purchased. Guess what? This customer needs to be cross-shopped. The marketer can be creative with this customer.

Each customer essentially warrants a customer-based merchandise assortment.

Do you think about your customers in this manner?

March 05, 2026

American Top 40

No, not the Ryan Seacrest version in 2026. I'm talking about the Casey Kasem version from the 1970s and early 1980s.



You can hear the old reruns on the 70s channel on SiriusXM.

In my case, I could hear the show from 3pm - 7pm on Sunday afternoon on WQTC, and if I missed anything I could hear it again from 6pm - 10pm on Sunday evening on WIXX in Green Bay.

I once told a client that they should have a Top 40 list for their best forty items, promoted via email marketing. Make it a weekly event. The Marketing Executive had a typically snide remark.
  • "Yeah, that's what we want to do. We want to tell our competition what our best selling items are."

Of course, this company sent a pair of clearance/liquidation emails a week. The Marketing Lemonhead had no issue whatsoever telling the competition what didn't work.



If you don't want to communicate your best sellers, create your own opaque criteria like they did on the old American Top 40 Shows.
  • Average Rank of Sales, Units, and Conversion Rate, for instance.

Start you email week with your Top 40 items according to this criteria. Share it on Instagram, Facebook, you name it. Have one of your merchants feature the top five items on a brief video on TikTok. Have a pregame show on YouTube where two in-house marketing influencers predict what will happen. Have the pregame show hosts read an email, a long-distance dedication of sorts.

I realize none of you will do this.

But somebody should do this.

March 04, 2026

Eventually, You'll Call The Plumber

In our modern world, we like to think we can solve any problem without added expense. The kids on YouTube call it a "hack".

For instance, we have a minor plumbing problem. In our bathroom sink, sediment sits on top of the aerator, reducing the flow of water to a trickle. Do I want to call a plumber? No! I'm sure there is a hack out there to solve the problem.

You search YouTube and Reddit. There is always some guy named @bigideas47 who says "trust me". If you can't get the aerator off because it has been fused into the threads by calcium buildup (and with that little locking device, no, you cannot get it off), you just need to soak the aerator with CLR or vinegar via the following contraption.



"Trust me, works every time" says @bigideas47.

It does not work every time.

YouTubers with names like @problemsolver5G offer solutions like needle nosed plyers or WD40.



Phrases like "impossibly simple hack that actually works" pepper the screen images of the YouTube videos.

Turns out, it does not work.

You eventually punch through the aerator to get water flowing ... and then you realize the importance of an aerator in a modern bathroom.



You know what you do next?

You call a plumber.

There's a reason why @bigideas47 and @problemsolver5G populate Reddit and YouTube with ideas ... they're not actual plumbers.

It's the same way in marketing. Except the folks with the hacks populate LinkedIn.



Marketing is teeming with Lemonheads that have hacks and fake solutions to real problems.


If you have actual problems ... and most companies have actual problems, you can't solve actual problems with hacks from third parties. Better paper stock doesn't solve a problem. Digital engagement doesn't solve a problem. You need smart people who implement actual solutions.

Eventually, you'll call the plumber.

March 03, 2026

Uncontested

I'm watching the Badgers Men's Basketball team blow the absolute doors off of (checks notes) conference rival Washington.

The announcer asks the color commentator an interesting question.

  • Announcer:  "Why does Wisconsin shoot so many three pointers from so far beyond the three point arc?"
  • Commentator:  "The further away from the three point line the shot happens, the less likely it is that the shot will be contested."

In other words, if the shot happens from 26 feet away, there won't be a hand in the face of the shooter.

This attempt was good, for instance.




That's where your business comes into play. If you are selling Coach handbags, selling is "contested". Yeah. You can buy the handbag from Coach. Or Coach Outlet. You can buy it from Saks. Or Dillards. Or Macy's. Or Nordstrom. You can buy a handbag from Coach on Amazon. The odds of making the sale go down the more hands there are in your face!

If your business is north of $50,000,000 in annual sales, you should probably have an employee in the marketing department who designs an "offense" (i.e. marketing plan) that differentiates your company sufficiently so there aren't "hands in your face" when you attempt to sell something to the customer.

You want your sales "uncontested".

Right?

March 02, 2026

Some Things Don't Change

Here's the first attempt at a McDonald's Happy Meal, circa 1975.



Notice the quote "at regular prices". Eventually, there wouldn't be "regular prices". Read a Lands' End email campaign for examples. The world shifted to discounts / promotions.

Yesterday I talked about how everything changes.

Everything, that is, except for discounts and promotions.

Have you ever analyzed how different customers behave?
  1. Customer spends $100 at 40% off for a net of $60, gross margin dollars = $25.
  2. Customer spends $60 at full price for a net of $60, gross margin dollars = $39.

Which customer would you prefer?

You need nearly 1.6 times as many orders via discounts/promotions to equal the full-priced order in this example. That's a lot of frosting on the cake, don't you think?

One of our absolutely smart readers mentioned how there is a dynamic in business where net sales grow but profit is unchanged. This dynamic happens in inflationary times, obviously. It also happens when the marketing wonks decide to eat into every available dollar of gross margin by offering 40% or 60% off to boost response. You boost response, you harm gross margin dollars.

Some things don't change.

March 01, 2026

Times Change

Here's one. Fifteen years ago, a LinkedIn warrior touted the "power" of digital analytics. "It will render how we do things useless, we'll #measure everything ... data driven organizations will reap the rewards, leaving everybody else in the rear view mirror." I was on Twitter at the time, and his nonstop cheerleading of using Google Analytics to replace old-school channels / tactics / metrics allowed him to build himself a nice little presence online.

Here's his quote from Saturday.

  • "You're crazy if you fire people because AI can do their jobs. AI can do a lot of things. It cannot do jobs."

Every endeavor has its day in the sun.

In 2010, you could replace a handful of practitioners with one analyst who thoroughly knew Google Analytics ... the person of course had to have some level of business acumen (too few did), but the modern world moved old-school practitioners out, moving modern analysts in.

The modern 30 year old analyst in 2010 is now the 46 year old fossil staring AI in the face. From transformative to Luddite in just sixteen years. That's how business works. I have a 62 year old friend who led a team of four individuals. He and his staff were canned, replaced by one hapless person. The 62 year old cannot believe that all of the "value" his team created just evaporated.

My Bluesky feed revealed this little beauty.



Go read some of the DMNews archives you can find from 25 years ago. Every old-school practitioner in the book is screaming about how Amazon was likely to fail. Instead, Amazon became more powerful than most small countries, taking a huge bite out of department stores by becoming the modern department store.

And guess what? In 20 years, it will be the "Amazon-stans" who will lament whatever-comes-next. "You can't do it that way!" Of course you can.

There are still catalog professionals lamenting ecommerce. "GEN-Z HAS DIGITAL EXHAUSTION". No. No they don't. You're making up a story, refusing to yield.

Some Silicon Valley folks want "all the money". They're creating a future where white collar employment is under attack. Why do they want to pay you when they can pay a machine that they created?" And so what if that machine drains all the water out of Lake Michigan? Machines deserve water ... humans and fish?

Change is coming. As it always has. It will anger incumbents, as it always has.




 

SugarBee Apples

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