No Marketers

Oh, I get all sorts of "pitch emails" ... people who are confident they have the next big thing (which is usually not the next thing, and is usually not big).

I look for trends. If I see common themes repeated, yeah, I pay more attention.

A common theme you should think about?

• "My name is Bill, and my company AISource (not the real name) is going to revolutionize marketing. Seriously. We're going to eliminate all marketing employees in the future. Our AI-based solution will do all work - no marketers. An executive will set goals, then AI will adapt and change strategy based on market costs, targeted customers, and company goals."

It is easy enough to dismiss this message ... the odds of "AISource" being around in ten years are close to zero. The odds of "AI" greatly reducing marketing employee costs? Kind of high, don't you think?

If you are sixty years old, so what?

If you are thirty-three years old?

Technology comes for all of us. I recall being shown a distribution center a decade ago ... the Operations Executive was thrilled that he reduced expenses via technology - virtually no employees, virtually no mistakes. He was right, there wasn't a person to be seen anywhere. Today you drive on Loop 303 across the West Valley here in Arizona and it is an endless array of distribution centers and not many cars in the parking lot.

With technology, something is gained and something is lost. There's a reasonable chance that repetitive marketing jobs are going to be lost. All of us will be required to demonstrate the unique value we provide.

Rivalry Weekend

One of the few interesting things about retail / e-commerce is the fact that, at times, commerce becomes an awful lot like College Football (do not lecture me about the fact that College Football has become an awful lot like commerce ... that's a topic that everybody else gets to discuss).

There's so much fun in College Football, mostly in the last weekend of the season (mostly, because those who allegedly run college football took Washington - Washington State, Oregon - Oregon State, Iowa - Iowa State among others and shoved them into September).

• Ohio State and Michigan play a game that, for the first time, resulted in a flag being planted firmly in the home field of the losing team. Interestingly, a half-dozen games had similar outcomes.
• In the Midwest there is Farmageddon (Iowa State - Kansas State).
• Two teams play for an Old Oaken Bucket (Indiana - Purdue).
• UTEP and New Mexico State play for a Shovel!
• Auburn - Alabama sure don't like each other.
• Minnesota - Wisconsin play for Paul Bunyan's Axe.
• Georgia and Georgia Tech decided to determine their outcome after eight (8) overtimes.
• Here in Arizona ASU clobbered the Wildcats, though Arizona fans erupted in a loud and singular roar when ASU missed a kick that clanked off the upright, making the loudest sound in football history. DOINK.
• There are three dozen or more other rivalries being played out at the end of the season.

In retail / e-commerce, it should be duly noted that our version of Rivalry Week is held around the same time. It's called Black Friday - Cyber Monday.

Oh, it used to be better in the old days. In the spirit of Wicked, I once had a Department Director who called her counterpart at a competitor the "Wicked Witch of the West". At Eddie Bauer we had a "competitive analyst" working in the marketing department routinely get chased out of Gap stores while taking pictures of the merchandise layouts.

Those rivalries are now moved into the Black Friday - Cyber Monday window, and they're fought with p&l busting discounts and promotions ... mutual self-destruction.

I sat in a meeting on Cyber Monday (I've told you this story) where somebody walked into the Executive Boardroom with a piece of paper ... the CEO read the contents on the piece of paper, then immediately demanded an additional 10% off in the emails sent that day in an effort to "remain competitive". What, exactly, was the CEO "competing with/against"? Who could lose the most money and feel good about it?

I watched a brand spend Monday going from 50% off to 55% off to 60% off as the day progressed. Shame on you for purchasing at 9:00am, for you were a fool. You lost, the brand "won", and I'm not sure what the brand won giving away nearly every penny of gross margin.

I watched a brand who claims to have "promotional integrity" scream about 60% off clearance from the highest rooftops. An NFL Team offered "25% off Nike" ... Nike loves that stuff. Another company offered free shipping with a $50 hurdle on three consecutive email campaigns on Monday morning only to offer free shipping no hurdle at 7:15pm. To heck with the customer who paid for shipping at 6:46pm, there's Cyber Monday that needs to be "won".

On online auction site offered to discount items 25% and cover the difference for the seller. Just a big 'ole bonfire fueled with money going on there.

On LinkedIn a fuming poster commented that Amazon was ripping customers off by charging $40 for something they charged the customer $29 for a month ago. A quick check of the website showed that Amazon was selling the item for $29. But the angry outrage, how much fun is it to scream at injustices ... real or perceived ... on LinkedIn? Thought Leadership is fun!!

A headphone brand decided to mislead customers by sending an email offering 29% off a set of their headphones if you bought the headphones via their website ... which is generous ... but you could save an additional $10 buying them at Best Buy and an additional $50 buying them on Amazon. Omnichannel!! Just think about that ... only the loyal customer who subscribes to emails is misled. It's Cyber Monday, now support us by clicking through our email campaign and pay more for our merchandise you idiot!!

Walleye Direct offered free Walleye Strips, which, actually, is quite a good deal ... a good deal for everybody because you still have to order $200 of delicious perch, walleye, crappies, bluegills, pike, and whatever else to get free shipping.

Trade journalists will dissect the winners and losers of Black Friday - Cyber Monday, not realizing that nobody (outside of Walleye Direct) is a winner, everybody is a loser, customers included. Customers repeatedly overpaid by acting early, brands repeatedly torched the p&l by giving away more and more and more.

The theme shifts tomorrow to "will I get my package in time for Christmas?". I spoke with an Amazon delivery driver on Friday ... he's retired and is wintering in Arizona to help his daughter who has terrible health issues. And because she doesn't have good health care, he's doing the Amazon delivery job to help pay for her bills. Keep both of them in your thoughts, ok?