Uh Oh

It's fifteen months after The Lemonhead was hired.

The results? They aren't good.

• Net Sales are down 12%.
• Comp Segment performance is up 4%, strongly suggesting that existing customers like what the brand is selling.
• New/Reactivated buyer counts are down 25%.
• Loyal buyer counts are down 5% even though The Lemonhead implemented a brand new loyalty program nine months ago.
• The Executive Team didn't earn an annual bonus, and that's a problem because the VP of Operations wanted to buy a new BMW.
• The Marketing Team has been gutted ... a team of eight individuals has been replaced by eleven individuals (three new people to manage the loyalty program) ... three employees from the old regime and five hand-picked mini-Lemonheads hired by The Lemonhead.

Four months later, an announcement is made by the CEO ... "The Lemonhead" is going to leave the company to spend more time with his family. The CEO thanks The Lemonhead for his service and for modernizing marketing efforts. At the same time, the Chief Merchandising Officer is taking a new role with a new line of business that focuses on "the digital customer" (i.e. the Chief Merchandising Officer has been demoted). The CFO will move to a new role to support this new line of business (i.e. she has been demoted).

If you think this story is a parable about modern marketing situations, trust your instincts.