September 16, 2008

Feds Set To Bail Out MineThatData

Washington, DC: In an unprecedented move, The Federal Reserve Board announced this evening that it will, for the first time ever, bail out a highly profitable sole proprietorship.

Seattle based MineThatData, a consultancy that helps CEOs understand the complex relationship between customers, advertising, product, brands and channels, will be the recipient of nearly $300,000,000 of free money, courtesy of an unprecedented taxpayer bailout.

"It's only one dollar per person living in the United States" groaned a noticeably exhausted Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson. "We just finished taking ownership of AIG, and now we're faced with having to bail out a highly profitable sole proprietorship. Where does this end?"

The announcement was met with an enthusiastic roar of approval at the Annual Summit in Las Vegas. Attendee Maya Pemberton, Sr. Pay-Per-Click Analyst at Dell, told anybody who would listen that the announcement provides much-needed stability in the emerging field of Multichannel Forensics.

"We just realized that our online customers were in hybrid/transfer mode, rapidly migrating to our retail offering at Wal-Mart. We couldn't possibly take our strategy to the next level without assistance from the Feds." mentioned Pemberton, who then ran her badge under the bar code scanner at a social media vendor in the exhibition hall, earning her a free ballpoint pen and a chance to win an iPod shuffle.

Wall St. did not react positively to the announcement, with the Dow Jones Industrial Index plummeting 1.4% in after hours trading. We were unable to solicit a comment from management at MineThatData.

Note: Various, if not all elements of this story, have been fabricated. No taxpayers were harmed in the writing of this story.

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